T&D : 2314H November 24, 2010. Location : Rock bottom. The day started with sunshine and ended up with cloudy skies. Same as my day, it all toiled down. Feeling so down today. I cant take my mind off the fact that I am unemployed right now. This is the hard part of not having any plans and not knowing what you want in life. Options are to work abroad, local employment or business. Lets erase the business portion. I don’t want to risk my savings on an unsure route for now. Leaves me with overseas or local employment.
Consequences are as follows for local employment : Manila has been a very small place for me. If I work here, Ill probably end up in a call center again. The job that Ive been trying to avoid simply because I don’t like this job anymore. Also if ill take it, Id have to start at the bottom again. Besides, all my agents and previous colleagues are in different callcenters around the metro, I honestly don’t want to run into any of them anymore considering the strings I cut before I left for Dubai. So many things has happened and I just don’t need any more drama.
Overseas work is always risky. Signing a contract with a company not knowing what is up ahead and what sort of life youll be living abroad is too bitchy like what happened in Dubai. Ill be away from my family. Away from my baby. I feel that Ive been missing a lot on her growth year. Money can never even out the moments were together. I wanna be here for her.
Im watching Denise sleeping beside me as I blog. This makes me think of so many things. So many maybes, so many could haves, might haves, should haves. Im almost 30. Another sad fact, Im halfway to life and I haven’t secured the future of my family. Maybe I was wrong thinking that I could do it on my own. Perhaps I should have married so I’d have a helping hand. Denise is all I have. And with the way youth had become now a days, Im scared for her. Im scared for me. Im scared for all. Back to square one where I wish I was never born.
I better stop now. I thought this would help but its making me sob. Tomorrow is another day. And it will be ok. Its gonna be ok Dina.
