How would you kill yourself? i hide a very dark past. i have tried to get this over with several times. i recall committing my first suicide attempt back in high school. it was then followed by several other attempts. i am writing this to get this off my chest and how i so fuckin  hate suicide  thoughts that has not left me since then. i dont talk of this much though you may see hidden notes here and there. i just wanna disappear. the search for happiness has been very dim for me. i feel like a dead end. i cant get myself to appreciate anything. everything just really doesnt make sense for me. my mood lifts a minute and lets me so down deep right after. i wanna be able to solidify my dreams for my family and my baby, but this fuckin thoughts of my depressive past just wont let me be. i feel like a trash. i am a trash. nothing and always had been nothing. worthless. i feel so tired. and trust me, fighting this hideous thoughts is getting very tiry indeed. amidst this young face and faked smiles, im so lonely now. with my self destructive ways, God forbid.