Today I woke up with a heavy heart. Whats the sense of waking up? I should have just died last night. Alone in my dark room. Suffocating with the thick smoke from my cigar. Yes I am back to smoking… It will undoubtedly be the cause of my death. My funeral would have been a heartbreaking event, no one will come. No one cares. 

I had been blogging of my depression for a while now. I can’t shake it off. I should be immune by now. But why do I still pain. Emptiness is a bitch. I don’t want to be here. 

I know its such a selfish thing to say as I have a daughter… I am a horrible person. I can’t stand me. I can’t stand this anymore. I do not want to expect anymore as expecting only makes it worst. At this point, I don’t know what to do anymore. I am a walking ticking time bomb. 

I can’t talk to anyone. My weakness will cause them pain. I just want this to end. 

Be calm, be steady, just do it. Baby steps can get me though? This is the price for all my sins. 

If there is a God out there…. please help me. I am desperately in need of saving. I am drowning with loneliness. Emptiness. I just can’t live like this anymore. Please.