After 6 days in Oman. Here I am, home in manila again. What happen was such a mess. I even had to buy my way out of Oman spending most of my savings just to be able to go home. Tickets are rocketing high due to holiday season. I have contacted Jay so Ill have a job right away when I get to Manila.Why can I make right decisions? Here I am, 30. With a 3 year old daughter and an unstable job. I don't know what to do anymore. Most of the time I just want to end it all. End my suffering, my life. It seems to be the easiest way out. I have stretched myself more than the limit to get the job I deserve, the man I deserve, a family I deserve. And now, all has failed. How ever I try to say this is just a phase, these too shall pass. I know I'm lying. Something is wrong, I know. One of these days I might have a breakdown. That's why I'm writing this. I have no one to talk to. I know its not that they don't care, they just don't wanna blame me for all my wrong moves. That's why they choose to not talk about it. I hate myself. I hate myself so much. How can I ever regain all my loses? I don't have the strength anymore. My youth has come and gone just like that. I thought I was someone. Now its starting to cave in. I'm just another lonely lady. Alone. With no companion. My baby is quickly growing without a father. With an unstable job I have, I don't think I'll be able to even send her to college. I'm such a horrible person. Very miserable. I tried. You can't tell me I didn't. I just wanna end it all.