I want to run. I want to hide. Something is coming down. I feel so down. I spent last night watching When Harry Met Sally and Little Thing Called Love. I was trying to get myself occupied so I wont think so much but I ended up much depressed. I am such a mess. I dont want to be here. I dont want this state at all. It feels like Im losing myself again...and again... and again. I feel so down. Naloloka na aba ko? I admit I had been depressed for a while. I am not happy on how things are going in general. Its so messed up. I just wanna cry.....I obviously cant. Not in public like this.

Mom keeps nagging about me not going to church. Pinaparusahan daw ako kaya ako nagakkaganito. I dont want to believe in that crap... Im more vulnerable if I believe on those things. And I would only end up blaming Him for all my misfortunes. And on how he just watches as I suffer. How He has forsaken us on this hellish earth He claims he has created.

I better stop now. Im still scared. But being scared isnt gonna help now. I need to stand up and be firm and strong for my family. But I just cant help it.... :( I think I want to die now.