Wow! There goes another year for me. I made a video log last year. Sounds so hopeful then. Well I hate to break it but last year has been nothing but a painful year. So much of an unexpected happen. I would hate for this year to be another one like last year. I can only take too much of these shit. I am so lonely. So lonely. It just feels like everything is so wrong. So messed up. So broken. So lost. Every day, same old thing.

Life, career, friends and family. Seems all is crumbling. Helpless not knowing what could turn this upside down. Every step I do seems to take me further where I want to be. I’m so depressed. I have not been feeling fine. For a long long time, and I need this to go away. All I can think of is sadness.

Tomorrow, I become 31. I can’t be proud of anything I have done. All the things I did. Makes me squirm out of guilt and disgust of myself. I can’t help it. I can’t forget it. I can’t move on either. Help me. I need some saving. And if the universe isn’t anything but a black whole… let me believe that this is just a phase.  I need to be able to feel again, any other emotions aside from this dark sadness that surrounds me.

Stir me clear. I need some saving.